You are dying, wounded and injured beyond anything you'd normally allow to happen to you.
The Holy Grail could heal you if you wished for it, but you've already made your wish, haven't you? Once, twice, you've made a wish.
(—Very well, this is my wish: To make Cú Chulainn king. A wicked king, enough to rival even me.)
And he did turn out to be a wicked king equal to even you, didn't he? This man you hated, this man you couldn't forgive, this man you wanted to have more than anything else—
But is he everything you wanted? Is someone who is the least kingly king in the world who you wanted? Is someone who sealed away their joy once they became king someone you wanted? You think, you love Cú Chulainn. You love him so much. You wanted him so much you made a wish for him. You love him you love him you love him—
Except is it love? You're happy he praised you. After all this time, he finally praised you. He acknowledged you as someone by his side. He acknowledged you as queen, and you are happy.
Is this love? Do you know what love is?
All you know is in your final moments is that you wanted someone who could be by your side. Someone who is worthy to be by your side. Someone who wants to be by your side.
Someone who could love you for who you are, for everything that you are.
You don't know if you've ever had that. For all the lovers you've had, have you ever had that? Have you ever been truly loved? Have you ever loved someone like that yourself?
Isn't it funny? How much you don't know if you know love once you think about it.
Isn't it funny? Isn't it funny that you're using something you once created to go after Cú Chulainn, the man next to you, in order to aid him? Isn't it funny?
(Even now, you know he isn't yours, but you're dying, so it's okay to say so, isn't it?)
Those that oppose you think so little of your ambitions, of how strong your desires are, of what made you queen.
This is your legend. You are a legend.
You'd go to any lengths just for you want, and even as you die, you say that you've been saved, but have you?
You're angry, humiliated, and vexed, but helping someone you (think you) love—
Is this what you wanted?
Your final wish on the grail could destroy everything in this era, if it succeeds.
Once the memory recedes, Medb stays still and watches Yuel carefully. ]
[ It's been a couple of days so the memory catches her off guard with a gasp. She's silent for a moment, the sudden influx of memories and emotions that aren't her throwing her off kilter, disorienting and confusing, thundering in like a storm and leaving her upset without quite knowing why.
She steps back for a moment, trying to get her bearings as she looks at Medb. ]
Did... didja die for him? What did he make ya do?
[ She doesn't know what a demon tower is, but it doesn't sound like anything good. ]
[ Why? She can't fathom it, having only ever known the love of her family, her friends who would sacrifice themselves for her sake a hundred times over.
She's been so coddled. ]
Ya helped him try and spread evil? So he would love ya?
[ It almost makes her sad how much belief Yuel has in her. Medb wants her faith and belief because she likes Yuel, but for as good as a heart she has, is it as accepting?
Not everyone can be like Chaldea's Master. ]
I told you I wasn't a good person. Remember? I don't wake up and choose to do evil, but I am not good.
[ She almost sounds angry—frustrated, not satisfied by the answer, but unable to understand what would drive Medb to such an end. A woman who didn't appear to need or care for the opinion of any person. ]
Why'd ya want to help him when he just let you die?
There wasn't anything he could do to save me by that point.
[ That's not quite right. With the grail, she could have been saved. With his runes, she probably could've lasted a little while longer, but that doesn't really matter. The person Cú Chulainn had become was no longer someone who would save anyone. All he could do was kill.
She made him that way. ]
I thought I loved him. I think I still do. It's not something I would choose to do again. It's not like he owns my heart.
[ She still looks agitated, taking Medb's face in her hands, close to glaring as she meets her eyes. ]
I bet it's complicated, ain't it? But don't give yer heart to someone that would let ya die. Don't die for someone that looks that way [ uncaring, cold ] when yer in pain. Aren't ya someone that deserves better than that?
And don't ya think that's heartbreakin'? If there's someone here who'd suffer more if ya died than that guy who's known ya for however long, then ya really shouldn't bother with him.
[ Medb has always known Cu Chulainn never loved her. He is the one man who did become become hers even though she wanted him. She isn't someone who gives up easily, and even now, she hasn't forgiven him. That doesn't stop her from chasing after him in her own way. Her pride won't allow it ]
Don't worry too much about it. I am too much my own person to not go after what I want. I can see other people than just him.
[ Hasn't she made that obvious while here? She isn't shy. She isn't insincere in any of her advances. ]
I did die, then. I am not still dead. Not like that, anyway. I was summoned, so I live again.
[ She retains memories of some of her previous summonings. ]
[ She died, but isn't dead... She isn't quite sure what that means. Even if she has returned to life, she can't imagine that dying was a pleasant experience, and the answer tempers her anger, touched by the thought that, even if she'd later returned, Medb had experienced her last moments in such a way—unloved by a man she cared so deeply for.
At least she doesn't seem as besotted by him any longer. ]
That's good... I hope yer not gonna be pullin' stunts like that again.
[ She sounds like she's the more responsible one here, as though Medb isn't vastly older than her.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ She intertwines their fingers and swings their hands a little. ]
I'm a little concerned of the toll of getting it wrong every time will have on everyone.
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Yeah... I bet Mineo's beatin' himself up somewhere. [ Glances over at Medb. ] You didn't like Fukuda much, didja?
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[ There's nothing heated about the way she talks about Fukuda. It's like she's talking about an ant. ]
I do think his way of thinking is dangerous, though.
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That he thought he was savin' people by drillin' holes in 'em?
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[ She made it apparent very early that she's a bitch and knows it. ]
But I know when I'm trampling over people. Thinking you're murdering people for their own good is foolish at best and insane at worst.
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[ She sounds more troubled than judgmental when she says this. ]
There had to be for him to do something like that to himself.
1/2
[ She won't deny that there was something wrong with him. ]
But how much does that excuse?
[ And isn't that a good segue into a memory? ]
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You are dying, wounded and injured beyond anything you'd normally allow to happen to you.
The Holy Grail could heal you if you wished for it, but you've already made your wish, haven't you? Once, twice, you've made a wish.
(—Very well, this is my wish: To make Cú Chulainn king. A wicked king, enough to rival even me.)
And he did turn out to be a wicked king equal to even you, didn't he? This man you hated, this man you couldn't forgive, this man you wanted to have more than anything else—
But is he everything you wanted? Is someone who is the least kingly king in the world who you wanted? Is someone who sealed away their joy once they became king someone you wanted? You think, you love Cú Chulainn. You love him so much. You wanted him so much you made a wish for him. You love him you love him you love him—
Except is it love? You're happy he praised you. After all this time, he finally praised you. He acknowledged you as someone by his side. He acknowledged you as queen, and you are happy.
Is this love? Do you know what love is?
All you know is in your final moments is that you wanted someone who could be by your side. Someone who is worthy to be by your side. Someone who wants to be by your side.
Someone who could love you for who you are, for everything that you are.
You don't know if you've ever had that. For all the lovers you've had, have you ever had that? Have you ever been truly loved? Have you ever loved someone like that yourself?
Isn't it funny? How much you don't know if you know love once you think about it.
Isn't it funny? Isn't it funny that you're using something you once created to go after Cú Chulainn, the man next to you, in order to aid him? Isn't it funny?
(Even now, you know he isn't yours, but you're dying, so it's okay to say so, isn't it?)
Those that oppose you think so little of your ambitions, of how strong your desires are, of what made you queen.
This is your legend. You are a legend.
You'd go to any lengths just for you want, and even as you die, you say that you've been saved, but have you?
You're angry, humiliated, and vexed, but helping someone you (think you) love—
Is this what you wanted?
Your final wish on the grail could destroy everything in this era, if it succeeds.
Once the memory recedes, Medb stays still and watches Yuel carefully. ]
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She steps back for a moment, trying to get her bearings as she looks at Medb. ]
Did... didja die for him? What did he make ya do?
[ She doesn't know what a demon tower is, but it doesn't sound like anything good. ]
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Her voice is soft when she answers, but it doesn't waver. ]
Yes. I died for him. [ A beat. ] I was already dying by that point. Demon God Pillars are nothing good, but they were all defeated.
The day, the era, and the world ended up saved.
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She's been so coddled. ]
Ya helped him try and spread evil? So he would love ya?
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[ It almost makes her sad how much belief Yuel has in her. Medb wants her faith and belief because she likes Yuel, but for as good as a heart she has, is it as accepting?
Not everyone can be like Chaldea's Master. ]
I told you I wasn't a good person. Remember? I don't wake up and choose to do evil, but I am not good.
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[ She almost sounds angry—frustrated, not satisfied by the answer, but unable to understand what would drive Medb to such an end. A woman who didn't appear to need or care for the opinion of any person. ]
Why'd ya want to help him when he just let you die?
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[ That's not quite right. With the grail, she could have been saved. With his runes, she probably could've lasted a little while longer, but that doesn't really matter. The person Cú Chulainn had become was no longer someone who would save anyone. All he could do was kill.
She made him that way. ]
I thought I loved him. I think I still do. It's not something I would choose to do again. It's not like he owns my heart.
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[ She still looks agitated, taking Medb's face in her hands, close to glaring as she meets her eyes. ]
I bet it's complicated, ain't it? But don't give yer heart to someone that would let ya die. Don't die for someone that looks that way [ uncaring, cold ] when yer in pain. Aren't ya someone that deserves better than that?
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Isn't that one of the things she likes most about her? Medb smiles. ]
Of course I am. I deserve whatever I want.
[ Isn't that why she's here? ]
But we're all faced with the dilemma that someone we care for could die here.
[ Is there a way for anyone here to stop someone from dying? ]
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And don't ya think that's heartbreakin'? If there's someone here who'd suffer more if ya died than that guy who's known ya for however long, then ya really shouldn't bother with him.
[ At which point something occurs to her. ]
Wait... Didja then? In that memory?
[ Does she need her wish to survive? ]
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Don't worry too much about it. I am too much my own person to not go after what I want. I can see other people than just him.
[ Hasn't she made that obvious while here? She isn't shy. She isn't insincere in any of her advances. ]
I did die, then. I am not still dead. Not like that, anyway. I was summoned, so I live again.
[ She retains memories of some of her previous summonings. ]
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At least she doesn't seem as besotted by him any longer. ]
That's good... I hope yer not gonna be pullin' stunts like that again.
[ She sounds like she's the more responsible one here, as though Medb isn't vastly older than her.
She sighs, smiling softly at her. ]
There ain't a need for a repeat.
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There is no Cu Chulainn here to confirm or deny her observation.
She bumps her forehead against Yuel's. ]
Think of me a little better than that, hmm? I learn from my history, and I'm more experienced than you.
[ History is what makes her and shapes her existence, but it's not untrue. ]
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Yeah, yer really impressive, ain't ya? But everyone makes mistakes...
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[ She says that confidently. It's not easy to be better than she was, but she's able. Someone, kill her for her ego alone. ]
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[ she believes in you!! ]
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[ Or most of them. ]
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Yuel laughs a little, giving her a kiss on the cheek. ]
Hehe, yer the best after all.
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